Alamo Anxiety
I sat in the audience this morning as Dr. John Deloney delivered a keynote on overcoming anxiety, and I kept thinking about my sisters and the anxiety they have said I cause for them as the root cause. Today I also stood in the Alamo in San Antonio, looking at the old mission walls and the stories of people who faced overwhelming odds. The defenders chose to stay. They chose reality over comfortable denial. They chose connection with one another. They fought for freedom. They endured under siege with whatever strength their bodies had left. And they held to a belief bigger than their own survival. Walking those grounds left me quiet. Reflecting on Deloney’s talk while standing at those walls made the connection clear to the analogous walls I’ve faced with those I’ve loved deeply.
I had in the last years been trying to share the realities of his six daily choices with my sisters just lacking the words to point out how the worldly ways were not working and making their anxiety worse instead of these principles of choices that can be made—practical steps from his book Building a Non-Anxious Life that feel like a real roadmap out of the constant alarm bells. Reality. Connection. Freedom. Mindfulness. Health and Healing. Belief. I wanted them to have tools that actually work. I always had offered anything we could do to help them. But standing at the Alamo after hearing Deloney, it landed hard: I need these just as much as they do.
Deloney didn’t offer quick fixes. He framed anxiety as an alarm systemrather than a personal failure, and walked us through six daily choices that quiet it by addressing the root causes. The thread running through everything was the mind-body connection—how our thoughts, relationships, physical health, and sense of meaning are all tangled together. The Alamo showed me what those choices look like under extreme pressure. Deloney showed me how they apply to the quieter battles we face every day.
Choice 1: Choose Reality
Face what is actually true about your life instead of living in denial, delusion, or distraction. You cannot solve problems you refuse to acknowledge. Choosing reality means naming what’s true without judgment, then making decisions based on facts rather than wishes.
Choice 2: Choose Connection
Build authentic relationships instead of isolating in loneliness or settling for surface-level interaction. We were not designed to carry life alone. Real connection—being seen, known, and imperfect with safe people—directly lowers the body’s threat response.
Choice 3: Choose Freedom
Live within your means and values instead of drowning in debt, overcommitment, and calendar chaos. You cannot build a non-anxious life while trapped by financial obligations and lifestyle expectations that leave no margin. Freedom creates the space for everything else to work.
Choice 4: Choose Mindfulness
Develop awareness of your thoughts and feelings instead of being controlled by them. Mindfulness is the skill of observing your experience without being hijacked by it. You are not your anxious thoughts; you are the awareness that notices them. The moment you notice you’re anxious is the moment you’ve created space—and that space is where freedom exists.
Choice 5: Choose Health and Healing
Prioritize physical wellness instead of neglecting the body-mind connection. Sleep, exercise, nutrition, and medical care aren’t separate from mental health—they’re foundational to it. Your brain relies on your body’s inputs to assess safety, and a poorly maintained body triggers anxiety alarms constantly. You cannot think your way to wellness while neglecting your body’s basic needs.
Choice 6: Choose Belief
Connect to meaning and purpose greater than yourself instead of bearing the weight of being your own god. In an era of individualism, much anxiety stems from a spiritual crisis where everything depends on you. Choosing belief provides context that transcends anxiety. Meaning isn’t something you create alone—it’s something you discover by connecting to transcendent values, community, and purpose beyond self-interest.
Those men at the Alamo didn’t have the luxury of ignoring reality, isolating themselves, or neglecting the limits of their bodies. They also didn’t try to carry the weight of the world alone. They chose, again and again, under pressure. I still want to walk with my sisters through these six choices. I believe they can help. But I also know I can’t offer what I’m not practicing. Reality so I stop pretending everything is fine when factually it's not. Connection so none of us stays isolated and no one settles for simple where they deserve real. Freedom so we have room to breathe recognizing the expectations each person has. Mindfulness so we can notice the anxiety and give others grace and the benefit of the doubt instead of drowning in it. Health and healing so our bodies stop sounding constant false alarms. Belief so we’re not trying to hold everything alone and know our foundational Love upon which every other love is sustained.
Today’s talk, layered on top of standing at the Alamo, was a reminder that the mind-body connection isn’t abstract. It’s daily, practical, and available—even when the odds feel stacked and it feels like those I love don't love me back. When it feels like i’m a burden for asking for normal human connection with others that it shouldn't be a hard ask. I’m starting with myself—so I can show up better for the people I love. I hope one day they’ll see I tried my best to have connection and reality with them always, and that they understand they are loved. Maybe one day they'll choose to love me too.
